When asking his followers to find him another wife, what did Joseph Smith ask them to do?

In breaking news she has admitted that Charlie Sheen is the twins father. In a statement she has said the kids will be raised by their father, and will take his name. She agreed the children should be Sheen and not Heard.

After tunelessly "singing" Danger Zone, I'm Alright, Playing With the Boys, and Footloose, he got banned for too many failed Loggins.

Cheese Whiz

I read somewhere that "Fuck it we ball" is for stress about the future "It is what it is" is for stress about the past and "This too shall pass" is for stress about the present. Randomly remembered it today and I thought to share here.

By the time they get dressed, it's lunch.

is talking to his two sons about his will when he suddenly detects the smell of a freshly baked cake coming from the kitchen. The lover of sweet he was, he asks his youngest son to fetch him a piece of what was being baked at the kitchen and says that he wants to try the cake baked by his wife for the last time and also wants that to be the last food he eats. The obedient son obliges with this father's request and rushes to the kitchen to get some cake that his mother was baking. To the dying father's amazement, the son comes back empty handed so he rightfully inquires what went on in the kitchen to which his son replies, "But mom said the cake was for the funeral!"

It’s fucking nuts…

Grift bags.

He's clearly a cuckumber.

A vertibro.